Sunday at the Barnes.

I've been reading Radical Acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha (Tara Brach, Ph.D) for years. Ever since I started back at the local university, I haven't had a ton of time to read and most recently I have been reading fiction for my book club. But I do still periodically pick up Radical Acceptance and read a chapter. I am half way through. Today I read about being "enough" which is a current theme in my life. Am I enough? I wear so many hats. I am the daughter, the student, the mother, the wife, the friend, the daycare lady, and the business owner, just to name a few. But am I enough? I am not enough in my marriage, that is obvious. I feel that recently I am not enough as a mother because my kids are all going through rough stages, refusing to listen or follow instructions. I feel that I am not enough as a daycare provider because parents are challenging me because kids have been sick and we don't do enough crafts. I have been challenged as a business owner because I have recently been told I charge too much for daycare and parents want to switch (economy?). I am not enough as a student because I am getting at least one B if not three this semester. I am just plain not enough. And I have nothing left in me to strive right now. I am accepting with radical acceptance that I just don't have the capacity to be enough.

With that said, I have some plans that I want to incorporate as a business owner and daycare lady. My recent class was Parent Involvement in Early Childhood Education. Well, I am an early childhood educator as a daycare provider, even if I don't make loads of money, or respect, or have a degree in that field. So I am going to incorporate more parent involvement techniques. Over break (before Jan. 11 when the new semester begins) I plan to put together a parent resource library, put together 12 newsletters for the following year, and send out invitations for parents to come observe or participate in our daily activities. What I have found interesting is that it is the parents that never come to my daycare, and rarely pick up or drop off their kids, that complain the most about my rates and my daycare. Logically one would think that you would refrain from complaining about someone you never see or talk to, but, our culture allows it.

So, is it wrong that I am still striving to be "enough" or is that human nature? In my heart and head I honestly believe that I am doing a great job in all areas. I am a good wife, a good mother, a good daycare lady, a good business owner, a good friend and a good daughter. But maybe my vision is blurred. So, back to the book. Maybe I'll finish it over break (along with all four books for book club!).