Raw Rachel on... Children
So I can't sleep. I'm up thinking about kids, not uncommon for me really considering my life and career revolve around mothering. Really I’ve learned a ton since becoming a mom over six years ago, and a child care provider over two years ago. By all means, I am NOT an expert on children, but I am constantly reading books on parenting, children, education, child development, and I find it completely fascinating and relevant to my every day life. Considering that I am an affirmation whore and addicted to absolute perfection, I work very hard to come up with concrete ways to be as excellent as I can be at ‘parenting’. So here are some of my evaluations. Feel free to criticize, I thrive on really good criticism:
#1 I strive to not label behavior as good and bad, but as inappropriate and appropriate. Most behaviors do have a place in our society. For example, it may be appropriate to bite a stranger that is trying to abduct you, but it is not appropriate to bite your caregiver or your mama’s nipple. Or, it may not be appropriate to tell your teacher to ’chill out’, but may be appropriate to tell mama when she is overreacting.
#2 MOTIVES: I bet Carrera does not wake up and think ‘I am going to do everything in my power to make my mom have a really bad day.’ Her motives are probably to have fun and get her way. I attempt to filter the kids actions through ‘motives’ glasses.
#3 Most attitudes and misbehaviors are STAGES. I am convinced there is a ‘standing on tables’ stage, ’bite your caregiver’ stage, ’steal toy’ stage, ’smear lunch in my hair’ stage, ’high pitch scream’ stage, ’trip over my own feet’ stage, and the list could go on and on.
#4 Ever heard “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” Yup, there is a ‘spill my cup’ stage. And there is no reason to get upset!! This is my new standard response: “Uh oh, your MILK is EMPTY, we’d better fill that up right away for you.” Why even mention the damn spilled milk!!!!!! It only upsets me and the kid.
#5 Validation starts at birth. I’m still working on my techniques with validating children’s feelings without condoning inappropriate behavior. Although young children do not understand logic, they do understand tone of voice and intention. “I understand that you are upset that you can’t have the sword that Billy is playing with, but it is inappropriate to take it away from him.” Ok, it might sound ok in theory. Like I said…. I’m still working on this one. Sometimes it just comes out of my mouth as “no.”
#6 Say “yes” more than “no”!!! Yes, you can have a glass of water. Yes, we can have a snack in a couple of minutes. Yes, we can read that book as soon as I’m done changing this diaper. Yes, you can have the sword when Billy is finished with it.
#7 EMPATHY is your greatest ally. Working with children has definitely fine tuned my empathy. I’ve actually crawled with kids, sat with kids, shadowed kids, just to try to understand where they are coming from. I’ll bet it is really cool to climb on the table and look out over the whole room. I bet it is really frustrating to want to crawl to a toy and not know how to do it yet. I bet biting Rachel’s shoulder and hearing her yelp is probably really funny.
#8 Yeah, I apologize to kids on a regular basis.
#9 EVERY kid needs one on one attention. At home and at daycare. I make it my goal to connect one on one every day with each child that enters my home (or lives in my home).
#10 Kids wake up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’ just like adults do. Hey, it’s ok to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and we can do it TOGETHER.
These are straight up daycare thoughts:
#1 What is going on at home affects the child and how they act at daycare. ALSO what is going on at daycare affects the child and how they act at home. That sounds pretty elementary, but it is SO true!
#2 It doesn’t matter how much training you have, what matters is if you can CONNECT with that child.
#3 My home is their home for the day. This also means that parents are welcome to come and go, and come in and make themselves comfortable (during daycare hours). This only makes sense.
#4 I really LOVE every one of the kids I watch. I know that if I didn’t I couldn’t be a really good daycare provider. I’ve been told ‘don’t get too attached’ but every time I’ve had to see a kid go I’ve cried for a good long time.Ok, so I'll get off my high horse now.
Disclaimer: I really try, but I still feel like I will never quite be a perfect mother. So this is all written from a woman who is TRYING. AS IF you really want to hear my opinions... but maybe you do.
#1 I strive to not label behavior as good and bad, but as inappropriate and appropriate. Most behaviors do have a place in our society. For example, it may be appropriate to bite a stranger that is trying to abduct you, but it is not appropriate to bite your caregiver or your mama’s nipple. Or, it may not be appropriate to tell your teacher to ’chill out’, but may be appropriate to tell mama when she is overreacting.
#2 MOTIVES: I bet Carrera does not wake up and think ‘I am going to do everything in my power to make my mom have a really bad day.’ Her motives are probably to have fun and get her way. I attempt to filter the kids actions through ‘motives’ glasses.
#3 Most attitudes and misbehaviors are STAGES. I am convinced there is a ‘standing on tables’ stage, ’bite your caregiver’ stage, ’steal toy’ stage, ’smear lunch in my hair’ stage, ’high pitch scream’ stage, ’trip over my own feet’ stage, and the list could go on and on.
#4 Ever heard “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” Yup, there is a ‘spill my cup’ stage. And there is no reason to get upset!! This is my new standard response: “Uh oh, your MILK is EMPTY, we’d better fill that up right away for you.” Why even mention the damn spilled milk!!!!!! It only upsets me and the kid.
#5 Validation starts at birth. I’m still working on my techniques with validating children’s feelings without condoning inappropriate behavior. Although young children do not understand logic, they do understand tone of voice and intention. “I understand that you are upset that you can’t have the sword that Billy is playing with, but it is inappropriate to take it away from him.” Ok, it might sound ok in theory. Like I said…. I’m still working on this one. Sometimes it just comes out of my mouth as “no.”
#6 Say “yes” more than “no”!!! Yes, you can have a glass of water. Yes, we can have a snack in a couple of minutes. Yes, we can read that book as soon as I’m done changing this diaper. Yes, you can have the sword when Billy is finished with it.
#7 EMPATHY is your greatest ally. Working with children has definitely fine tuned my empathy. I’ve actually crawled with kids, sat with kids, shadowed kids, just to try to understand where they are coming from. I’ll bet it is really cool to climb on the table and look out over the whole room. I bet it is really frustrating to want to crawl to a toy and not know how to do it yet. I bet biting Rachel’s shoulder and hearing her yelp is probably really funny.
#8 Yeah, I apologize to kids on a regular basis.
#9 EVERY kid needs one on one attention. At home and at daycare. I make it my goal to connect one on one every day with each child that enters my home (or lives in my home).
#10 Kids wake up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’ just like adults do. Hey, it’s ok to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and we can do it TOGETHER.
These are straight up daycare thoughts:
#1 What is going on at home affects the child and how they act at daycare. ALSO what is going on at daycare affects the child and how they act at home. That sounds pretty elementary, but it is SO true!
#2 It doesn’t matter how much training you have, what matters is if you can CONNECT with that child.
#3 My home is their home for the day. This also means that parents are welcome to come and go, and come in and make themselves comfortable (during daycare hours). This only makes sense.
#4 I really LOVE every one of the kids I watch. I know that if I didn’t I couldn’t be a really good daycare provider. I’ve been told ‘don’t get too attached’ but every time I’ve had to see a kid go I’ve cried for a good long time.Ok, so I'll get off my high horse now.
Oh, wait, lastly... spanking is hitting.
Disclaimer: I really try, but I still feel like I will never quite be a perfect mother. So this is all written from a woman who is TRYING. AS IF you really want to hear my opinions... but maybe you do.
posted by Rachel at 11:43 PM
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