Just sitting.
Just sitting here eating Caribou Coffee Ice Cream, and waiting for my cheese curds to get done in the toaster oven. Shane's really into a good book, so I have to keep my mouth shut. Believe it or not, that is a VERY hard thing for me to do. I tend to talk... a lot. Perhaps it is because I am around kids all day and the little adult interaction I get is with the parents of the kids I watch, or Shane. Most of the parents seem to want to get their kids and get home, so chit chat isn't always welcomed. A little chit chat ok, but... So Shane gets to hear it all. I process life by talking (like many women), and so I talk to Shane. Notice the wording there? I wrote "to" not "with". My bad really. I should be a better talk-with-er. I am working on it though. I have been focusing on REALLY listening to what people say, and I mean rrreeeeaaaalllllllyyy listening. I have found that it is VERY relaxing! But right now Shane is busy, so I am writing TO whoever will perhaps read this. Too bad we can't write WITH. (I can write with ice cream in my mouth.)
Choices, choices, choices.
I took a meditation class this evening (Stopped to go tanning on the way and I think I fried my face a little bit. It feels all crackly.). Now, I'm gonna be a little frank with y'all. I am a firm believer in evolution, and my intellectual self really doesn't think that there is a god/gods, and definitely not an afterlife. But I am still a pretty spiritual person, so I have doubts that my intellectual assumptions are really 100% truth. I mean, truth, just the word brings up so many philosophical questions. That damn little five letter word. So I went to my voodoo meditation class, with the voodoo 'universe and energy' instructor. Actually I really liked her. In other words, she wasn't too voodoo or granola for me. God knows I attract granola people like moth to a flame. I myself, well, I may be a little bit 'tree-hugger' but I ain't 'granola'. Don't get me wrong, I completely love granola people! Their dedication to their way of life is astounding. I just don't want to give up cheese curds and coffee ice cream (or epidurals and Benadryl). Back to meditation (BTW, Shane is going to laugh and tell me that this post is exactly how I talk. I can't ever talk in a straight line, always circles, interjections, unrelated material, argh! Really this IS how my brain works. No wonder I can't sleep at night.) And that side note was a perfect lead into why I LOVE meditation. It is a clearing of the mind, of all the junk that stresses me out and keeps me anxious. Ah, anxiety. If fear is the dirtiest word I can think of, then anxiety is dead second. I hate to even admit it, but I am a VERY anxious person! Some days I think that I may define anxiety. Of course, going back to college and all the 'stuff' (for lack of a better word) surrounding it, is making me CRAZY! I want to be the BEST mother, wife, daycare provider, and friend in the WORLD (Ok, world may be exaggerating a little, but not much.). So my mind has been freaking out!! Can I be a good mom and a college student? Can I be a really good child care provider and be a college student? Can I even have friends when I am balancing being a perfect mother, child care provider and wife with school? My heart starts to race, my brain turns fuzzy, I want to scream!!!! Ahhhhhh!! BUT (a very loud BUT), I know I can be all those things. I know that I can still be a good mom, pseudo-mom and partner. I know that I do very well at balancing and I am even getting better. I know that I am only taking a few classes to see how it goes and that I can drop out any time I feel that it is interfering with my priorities. So, the freaking out is so really irrational. And meditation is going to help me. I was amazed at how great I felt/feel after the class. We only meditated for twenty minutes total, but I felt totally unstressed and ready to be balanced. (Get ready, I am about to connect the circle) Ready to make CHOICES, good choices, best choices. Choices, choices, choices. That is what was really on my mind after the meditation class tonight. I'm choosing to take this 2 credit Psychology class for the next three weeks. I am choosing to take two Psychology classes in the fall. BUT (that is a loud BUT again) I am also choosing to schedule time for school work, separate from my time with work and family. The only way that this will all work is if I make the choices to make it work. Choosing to be balanced. So you may be wondering what all this 'balance' crap is. Well, I come from a family with obsessive-compulsive issues and have myself had similar tendencies in the past. I like to focus on ONE THING and beat it into the ground, make it submissive to me, control it. Ok, it isn't really as sick as it sounds. But my life philosophy has become BALANCE and MODERATION. And for good reason. I firmly believe that my own success is determined by me being balanced and doing everything in moderation.
Shane wants to go to bed, so I am choosing to go to bed. Can't write too much, or that would be excess (not moderation). Hope I didn't give anyone a headache (other than myself) with my circular thinking. Thanks for listening (reading) and being my pseudo-Shane. I'm sure that he appreciated it too!!
Choices, choices, choices.
I took a meditation class this evening (Stopped to go tanning on the way and I think I fried my face a little bit. It feels all crackly.). Now, I'm gonna be a little frank with y'all. I am a firm believer in evolution, and my intellectual self really doesn't think that there is a god/gods, and definitely not an afterlife. But I am still a pretty spiritual person, so I have doubts that my intellectual assumptions are really 100% truth. I mean, truth, just the word brings up so many philosophical questions. That damn little five letter word. So I went to my voodoo meditation class, with the voodoo 'universe and energy' instructor. Actually I really liked her. In other words, she wasn't too voodoo or granola for me. God knows I attract granola people like moth to a flame. I myself, well, I may be a little bit 'tree-hugger' but I ain't 'granola'. Don't get me wrong, I completely love granola people! Their dedication to their way of life is astounding. I just don't want to give up cheese curds and coffee ice cream (or epidurals and Benadryl). Back to meditation (BTW, Shane is going to laugh and tell me that this post is exactly how I talk. I can't ever talk in a straight line, always circles, interjections, unrelated material, argh! Really this IS how my brain works. No wonder I can't sleep at night.) And that side note was a perfect lead into why I LOVE meditation. It is a clearing of the mind, of all the junk that stresses me out and keeps me anxious. Ah, anxiety. If fear is the dirtiest word I can think of, then anxiety is dead second. I hate to even admit it, but I am a VERY anxious person! Some days I think that I may define anxiety. Of course, going back to college and all the 'stuff' (for lack of a better word) surrounding it, is making me CRAZY! I want to be the BEST mother, wife, daycare provider, and friend in the WORLD (Ok, world may be exaggerating a little, but not much.). So my mind has been freaking out!! Can I be a good mom and a college student? Can I be a really good child care provider and be a college student? Can I even have friends when I am balancing being a perfect mother, child care provider and wife with school? My heart starts to race, my brain turns fuzzy, I want to scream!!!! Ahhhhhh!! BUT (a very loud BUT), I know I can be all those things. I know that I can still be a good mom, pseudo-mom and partner. I know that I do very well at balancing and I am even getting better. I know that I am only taking a few classes to see how it goes and that I can drop out any time I feel that it is interfering with my priorities. So, the freaking out is so really irrational. And meditation is going to help me. I was amazed at how great I felt/feel after the class. We only meditated for twenty minutes total, but I felt totally unstressed and ready to be balanced. (Get ready, I am about to connect the circle) Ready to make CHOICES, good choices, best choices. Choices, choices, choices. That is what was really on my mind after the meditation class tonight. I'm choosing to take this 2 credit Psychology class for the next three weeks. I am choosing to take two Psychology classes in the fall. BUT (that is a loud BUT again) I am also choosing to schedule time for school work, separate from my time with work and family. The only way that this will all work is if I make the choices to make it work. Choosing to be balanced. So you may be wondering what all this 'balance' crap is. Well, I come from a family with obsessive-compulsive issues and have myself had similar tendencies in the past. I like to focus on ONE THING and beat it into the ground, make it submissive to me, control it. Ok, it isn't really as sick as it sounds. But my life philosophy has become BALANCE and MODERATION. And for good reason. I firmly believe that my own success is determined by me being balanced and doing everything in moderation.
Shane wants to go to bed, so I am choosing to go to bed. Can't write too much, or that would be excess (not moderation). Hope I didn't give anyone a headache (other than myself) with my circular thinking. Thanks for listening (reading) and being my pseudo-Shane. I'm sure that he appreciated it too!!
posted by Rachel at 10:10 PM
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