Aloneness and Faith.
Ok, so this morning at the spiritual center the pastor chick talked about faith, expectations and manifestation. What we expect is most likely to come to life. I know all this. I mean I really do. I get it. I've heard it before. I keep telling myself I just need some time to be negative. But I think that time is over... for now. I will be happy... I AM HAPPY! I hope to find another mate. I hope to make some great friends that I can spend time with on the weekends. But right now I can accept that the universe (or universal spirit) is pushing me towards aloneness. I will spend this time searching and growing and dancing. And then when the time is right I hope to find someone who wants to share in my dance. Even if that person is just a close friend.
Aloneness is a good challenge. I am working on developing boundaries and goals and routines. I am learning how to look out for myself. I've always expected that someone else would look out for me or have my best interests in mind... what was I thinking! That is so not true. So I am creating that security and safety for myself.
I also want community. I want to have connections and make connections. I feel like I can do that and that I am doing that. Random people are kinda coming together in my life to create this community that I can feel free to be myself within. People are happy for me and excited to see what will happen as this process unfolds. And I am happy to see their lives unfolding as well. How incredibly amazing life is!
I am. And that's it. I am not more than that, and I can't really be less than that either. I worry that I am TOO much. It will take a really strong and large person to be able to handle me as a mate. I like to take up space. I like to be loud.... and it isn't just that I like to be loud. I just AM fucking loud. I remember being called gypsy girl in elementary school because I was eccentric and artistic. I've always wanted to be a fairy. To be covered in glitter and color and fly and dance in the air. And that is what is going to unfold during this time of metamorphosis in my life. It is exciting. And I am going to take on an attitude of acceptance. I accept what I am going through right now. It is an important part in my life journey.
Aloneness is a good challenge. I am working on developing boundaries and goals and routines. I am learning how to look out for myself. I've always expected that someone else would look out for me or have my best interests in mind... what was I thinking! That is so not true. So I am creating that security and safety for myself.
I also want community. I want to have connections and make connections. I feel like I can do that and that I am doing that. Random people are kinda coming together in my life to create this community that I can feel free to be myself within. People are happy for me and excited to see what will happen as this process unfolds. And I am happy to see their lives unfolding as well. How incredibly amazing life is!
I am. And that's it. I am not more than that, and I can't really be less than that either. I worry that I am TOO much. It will take a really strong and large person to be able to handle me as a mate. I like to take up space. I like to be loud.... and it isn't just that I like to be loud. I just AM fucking loud. I remember being called gypsy girl in elementary school because I was eccentric and artistic. I've always wanted to be a fairy. To be covered in glitter and color and fly and dance in the air. And that is what is going to unfold during this time of metamorphosis in my life. It is exciting. And I am going to take on an attitude of acceptance. I accept what I am going through right now. It is an important part in my life journey.
posted by Rachel at 2:02 PM
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