Sunday afternoon.

Fell asleep on the couch with Carrera at two o'clock and we're just waking up at five thirty. There is a reason I don't usually nap, and her either. We will both be up LATE tonight. Oh well, it was nice and I had funny dreams. Colton and Calvin have been outside almost this whole time biking around the neighborhood making new friends. I NEVER thought that I would get to the point when my twins would be able to go biking around the neighborhood while I napped. They sure do grow up fast. Now my little princess is staring at me with a hostile look because I woke her up and she was enjoying her siesta in the sun. We all love to nap in the sun around here.

This morning I went out for coffee and journaled about fear; picked up groceries; then came home and chatted Shane's ear off. This fear thing has really got me going. There are SO many things to be afraid of when you have kids. Will they graduate from kindergarten? What if they get hit by a car when they are biking? Are our neighbor kids safe and a good influence? Will my kids go to college? Will the get married? Will they blame me for fucking them up? What if one of them isn't good at math in school? Can I teach something that came so naturally to me? Or what if they never learn to read? So many irrational fears. Colton and Calvin have proved to me this year that they can handle life. Not only do they enjoy school, but they have lots of friends, and their teacher raves about how wonderfully behaved and artistic they are. I can see that they are well rounded. They have interests similar to children their age and interests that are different. They love Star Wars and Bakugans. But they also love reading up on the solar system and drawing pictures. I have no need to worry, they will be who they are.

Slamming door, garage door shuts, they are back for dinner. Shouting about their new friends. No worries.