My son is dead.

Calvin has been begging all summer for me to bring him out into the woods behind Shane's mom's house. After hearing stories about my childhood summer days spent in the woods by our home, making forts and finding treasure, he has a fantasy of finding fossils and spending time with his mother out in the elements. So his day arrived. We all put on our jeans, hoodies and tennis shoes and all five of us headed towards the back pasture and the river with high hopes of treasure and fun. We approached the barbed wire debating who should go in first. The five horses quickly approached expecting treats. Colton snuck between the barbed wires first. A few seconds later he was flying through the air like a rag doll, and landed on the ground with a thud. I was frozen, so much so that I didn't even notice Shane leap over the fence to pick up Colton. All I remember after the thud was thinking "My son is dead" followed by Shane lifting him over the fence into my arms. He was sobbing. I never heard such a beautiful sound in my life. My son was sobbing, which meant one thing to me: "He is alive." Still in shock, I slowly carried him back up to the house. We laid him down on the couch and examined him. Sure enough, we could see two perfect mud hoof prints on the back of his shirt.

The next morning I examined Colton again... no bruises, no marks, except for on my heart.

Little bit of life... in my head.

Wow, today was the day from 'hades'. Perhaps not so bad because I wasn't the one miserable, but everyone around me was. I've had sick or maybe sick or soon to be sick or just over being sick... kids all week long. It crescendoed into today. Crying, unhappy kids, all wanting to be held and catered to by ME. And my own puking son and now sick husband. I... want... to... cry? or scream? or sleep? or all of the above! I really want a long massage, and a good nights sleep, after a shower and maybe a glass of organic wine... if I have any on hand.

On a lighter note, my summer classes are OVER. One for sure 'A' and one still in limbo cause the prof is being a slow poke at getting grades back. I got impatient today and e-mailed him. I hate waiting to know my grade. So now I'm on break from classes until August 23rd. What will I do with myself? Well, I hope to clean every room in the house thoroughly, finish some landscaping projects and read a few books.

I joined a book club. A FABULOUS book club. A book club of women, like me, that get together once every two weeks, drink wine, and chat about books... and other stuff. This is THE group I've been looking for. I abhor mom groups and church groups... both full of women with facades instead of personalities, and that devour gossip instead of wine. Fuck the gossip, I'll take the wine any day.

Gossip. The thing about gossip is that if we were all open about ourselves and threw away the facades, there would be no need for gossip. I really don't care who talks about me behind my back, as long as its the truth. I have a daycare mom, Sara, who is REAL. And as raw and crass as she can be, I adore her for her transparency. I adore her because I can say anything, she takes nothing personally, and there are no secrets. Her life is an open book. Actually a very interesting one sometimes. And neither of us judge each other for our parenting choices, or 'styles' if you will. We march to the beat of our own drums and sometimes our beats are different, but that makes the music of life more interesting.

Perhaps Shane and I need to see life more like that. Perhaps I am the trombone and he is the harp... or he is the snare drum and I am a big bass. Or... well, you get the picture. Life would be boring without some variety to make the music more complex and more exciting to listen to. Hmm... that is a great analogy for how I see the universe. I like PEOPLE. I like to meet new people and 'SEE' them and figure out what their music sounds like. That is one reason I am excited about this new book club. It will give me the opportunity to hear some new 'music' and learn about people. And I think I may need some fiction (books) in my life as well.

Now for that shower...