Millie.

Millie is our American Cocker Spaniel. Shane got her right before we started dating in 2001. She will be 9 years old in July. For the last six weeks she's been limping off and on. I finally brought her in yesterday, after an exam and x-ray we found out that she needs knee surgery. Choices. Of course we will do the surgery, but that doesn't keep us from thinking about other things we'd love to do with that money: buy a huge television, take the kids to Disneyland, get eye surgery,... I feel so pathetic even thinking about the financial cost. I know that having a pet is a commitment and that means taking care of them and being willing to dish out when they need it, but I am disappointed too.

Extended Family.

My daycare kids are like an extension of our family. We love them perhaps even more than our nieces and nephews. I am sincerely excited in the mornings when my "babes" arrive one by one. Dropped off by parents who are tired, telling me how their kid was up all night, or sick parents, telling me that they are going home to spend the day puking, or once in awhile even hungover parents. Some parents are excited to be going to work, others dreading it. Some days the kids jump into my arms ready for the day, and some days they cling to their parents a little extra long. Sometimes they sit on my lap for a half hour needing to adjust to the day, and other days they bulldoze into the house with no cuddle time at all. I've gotten pretty good at reading all of their moods, their crys, and I can often decipher who has a poopy diaper just by the scent.

I get to be a teacher, a nurturer, a mother. I may have mentioned this before, but when I started doing daycare I wasn't a fan of daycare. I would have never put my kids into one. But after doing it myself, I would, I could. I really feel that parents shouldn't feel guilt for dropping their kids off at daycare, or with grandma, or with a baby sitter. Who decided that kids only need their moms and dads? What is really important is that they are with someone that sincerely loves them, cares what happens to them, wants them to grow, and encourages growth. The hardest parts of my job are the best. Potty training, teaching a kid how to keep their non-sippy cup towards the middle of the table so they don't knock it over with their elbow, sharing... I am so proud of my babes at every mile stone. I tear up when little B. eats over his plate or picks up the toys. I tear up when Little M. shares her toy. I tear up when Little R. gives me baby kisses, and Big Sister R. screams "I love you Rachel!" from the breakfast table. I tear up when Little I. pees on the toilet, or when her and Carrera spend an hour playing Polly Pockets and I don't have to say "Get that out of your mouth!" at all. (Little funny, I just turned my head and looked at Little G. and said "Get that out of your mouth!" and he handed me a tiny Cogsworth - perfect timing).

Well, during writing this I paused to: clean up breakfast, help kids pee, wipe butts, plunge a toilet, put princess dresses on three girls, read a book to one kid, break up a fight, cuddle, give kisses, and more. ...and just gave them all a snack before Sesame Street at 10:00 a.k.a. cuddle time!!

Mothering.

There are so many "moments" that I think "I should write this down." Snapshots of life at different stages of development with my children.

I woke up at about 12:30 this morning. The light was on in the bathroom. I sat up and looked into our closet. There sat Carrera with a new package of cheese and a butter knife. She was trying very hard to open that cheese. - I have to pause here to mention that poor Colton and Calvin had me as a mother before I had much experience with kids, and I probably would have freaked out on them and put them back to bed. - I crawled into the closet with Carrera and gently asked her what she was up to, just starting a casual conversation really. Of course I knew exactly what she was up to. Carrera wakes up in the middle of the night asking for a snack on a regular basis, we put some crackers or cereal in a bag and she goes back to sleep. Its a comfort snack because she rarely actually eats it until morning (if even then). Well, she confided in me in the closet. "I want a snack mama" So I asked her if she would like some help. She conceded, gave me the cheese and the butter knife and we made our way to the kitchen where I opened the cheese, asked her how many slices she wanted (two). She ate one and the other one we put into a bag for later. She grabbed her water bottle (the kids each have their own in the fridge for constant supply of cold filtered water), and I put her on our floor with a pillow and blanket. She fell asleep. I can't fall asleep until I know she is asleep. I worry too much about the trouble she can get into. I remember the trouble Colton and Calvin got into while I would sleep during the day when I worked overnights. She woke up again at about 3 this morning. She was scared of something, so she crawled in bed with me and we both fell asleep together.

What's up with Carrera.

I took Carrera's pacifier away on Monday for good. (I almost took it away on Friday, but I forgot.) Other than asking for it when she wakes up in the morning, she has been just fine without it. I knew she would be. Half the time she would fall asleep without it anyway and if she did have it, it would fall out as soon as she was asleep. She did wake up at ten last night asking for it. When I reminded her that she doesn't use it anymore she was fine with that. I did let her crawl in bed with me and fall asleep before I moved her back to her bed. Now if I can get Colton and Calvin to quit sucking on their fingers! Colton asks permission to suck his fingers, but Calvin has been sucking them almost constantly. Actually I slapped his hand the other day because I got fed up (I RARELY resort to violence with my kids. It always means I need a time out.) It isn't so much that he sucks them, but the attitude that comes with the sucking. His pouty "I can't do anything for myself, everyone is against me" attitude. I'm trying to teach them that if they have a problem then they need to get up off their butt and solve it.

Carrera is completely potty trained, meaning that she goes all by herself (including wiping, flushing & hand washing). This means no more diaper buying for me!! Although I change my fair share of daycare kid diapers.

She is right in the middle of the terrible-threes. She can be downright evil to other kids. We're working on it. At least I have been through it with other three-year-olds so I know it is a stage, and most likely an important one.

New Year 2010

It's 2010!! I wrote my ten resolutions (I write ten every year), and I've already been making some major changes in my thinking and actions this year (and its only been 20 days). I'm going to turn 30 in less than 5 months. I'm excited. I am right where I want to be. I am married to a man that is not only very compatible with me, but also a man that loves me very much. I have my three kids, and I don't want more EVER. I am working towards my degree, I have goals, I am still learning new things (very important if I want to stay a life long learner). I feel beautiful and young and healthy. We have a house, cars that I choose to have (not that are chosen by my lack of income), we are heading for financial stability (so close I can taste it). I love working with kids! I know that I won't do daycare forever, but I can enjoy it and pour myself into it at this point in my life. It feels good to be 29 and I am ready for 30! (Although I am still deciding how I want to celebrate).