Baby Rera

Snow

I love it when it snows. It lightens everything up and makes me excited for new things. I was journaling last night about how ever changing we are. Some of our philosophies are strong and stand the test of time, but many opinions and purposes are continually changing. At least this seems to be true for me.

Center on Wheels
by Brian Andreas
I spent a long
time trying to
find my center
until I
looked
closely at
it one night
& found it
had wheels
& moved
easily in
the
slightest
breeze,
so now I spend less time sitting &
more time sailing.

Super-heroes don't wear underwear!

Finally I feel caught up. Calvin had the flu last Saturday, Colton got it on Wednesday, and after feeling crappy all week I finally had it on Friday. So all week I have been slacking on the house work. Today I power cleaned. I wanted to start out the week with a clean slate. Shane is watching the football game. I wish that I enjoyed football a little more. I will sit with him and watch, but my mind tends to wander.

Kids: Colton informed me today that Super-heroes don't wear underwear. This was supposed to convince me that he doesn't need to wear any underwear. I guess he told Shane that Super-heroes eat cake-cakes (pancakes) too.

I am still reading The God Delusion. Today I went out for coffee and spent the whole time reading. I did have a few thoughts that I jotted down to think about. I've been wondering how to mesh who I am as a mother, as a wife, as a woman and as a sexual being. Sometimes I feel duplicitous because it is hard to see myself as one person with these many roles. Any thoughts?

Low

Do we have a purpose? This is one of the few reasons I can find right now to believe that a god/source does exist.

Today I have been feeling... lost. I've been cooped up at home all weekend with two buckie boys and Carrera. I enjoy cleaning and organizing on the weekends usually, but this weekend I can't seem to find any extra energy.

Take note that while saying that I did 1) sort through Colton and Calvin's clothes to eliminate stuff they have outgrown, 2) washed and put away at least four loads of laundry, 3) changed the sheets on the daycare cribs, 4) cleaned the upstairs bathroom, 5) vacuumed the whole house, 6) painted my toes 7) made all meals and snacks for the kids, etc. But I feel like I didn't accomplish much. Besides, I really just want to get out of the house and have some coffee.

So here I am stuck at home. It is gloomy out and I'm not feeling good. And questioning what is really of value in life. I think about friendship a lot. I am one of those people that feels I can never have enough friends. I also am a friend for life. I love to stay connected or reconnect with people from the past. So I value friendship. Unfortunately there isn't much friendship building or creating when you have little kids. I can't even talk on the phone without them bugging me.

With that said, the biggest purpose I have is them. I love being a mother. And now I have to go make dinner.

My Mission

My mission. When I was in college I wrote a mission statement. A friend of mine was discipling me and one of my assignments was to write a mission statement. That mission carried me through many years, but is finally outdated. I am now trying to create a new mission statement. So far this is what I have come up with: My mission is... to protect, nurture, and promote wisdom, knowledge and self-awareness in my children and spouse. I think I like it.

Calvin is sick.

So I was on the computer at 9:00 p.m. researching potty training information and nursing Carrera when I hear a cry and barfing sounds coming from Colton and Calvin's bedroom. It was Calvin, sleeping in Colton's bed as usual, and he threw up all over Colton's bed and it trickled down to the bottom bunk (Calvin's bed) and the floor. So I had to lay Carrera down, remove Colton from his bed, clean up Calvin, change Colton's sheets and get him a new pillow. This whole time Calvin is screaming because he just threw up, Colton is screaming because he wants to go back to sleep in his bed, and Carrera is screaming because she is still hungry. A half hour later Colton is in a clean bed, Calvin is sleeping on the family room floor and I fed Carrera. Of course Calvin woke up and threw up again. So now it is almost midnight and I am waiting for the first load of laundry to get done so I can throw in the rest of the pukey bedding. Calvin is asleep on the floor upstairs in the living room, and Shane and Carrera are asleep as well. Needless to say I didn't get the few things done that I wanted to get done tonight. I have some daycare computer work I have to get done this weekend and I want to sort through Colton and Calvin's clothes because they just had another growth spurt. Speaking of growth, Carrera just had her four month checkup. She is in the 90-95% for weight and head size, but off the chart for her height. She is a little over 17 lbs., and 28 inches long.... WOW! My mom volunteered to sew her some clothes for me because I don't have very many winter 12 month clothes. Colton and Calvin wore 12 month stuff in the summer and we have only received/bought summer 12 month clothes. My little princess :).

Pictures

My Talent.

Carrera Jade

Tall Girl!

Cover Up!

I've been thinking about the controversial topics of covering up while breastfeeding in public, and when a woman should discontinue breastfeeding her child. On MySpace I posted an article about the woman who was kicked off of an airplane for breastfeeding (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15720339/). If you check out the article online 1479 people made comments in response to the article. One of my favorites is as follows: "She absolutely should NOT have been kicked off the plane. My god people what is wrong with this country anyway. How do u think Eve fed her kids, she didn't walk down to the local AM/P to get some formula. Its natural and its what our breasts were made for. Its this countries unhealthy, weird obsession with the naked body or the breast that makes me gag! More woman should be breast feeding their kids and they should be allowed to do it where and when they want. Get over yourselves people you all have breasts , you see breasts, and chances are you are one of those helping the porn industry move forward as the biggest business out there.... sigh"

There were many other comments that were not supportive of the woman. One woman wrote: "I am a women writing this, but I say what they did was right. If the attendant had to offer her a blanket she was obviously showing things that others did not want to observe. Had she taken the blanket then it would be another issue. Also her child was almost 2 years old a bit old for breastfeeding in my eyes."

Now close your eyes for a moment and imagine you are seated on a plane and a woman in the row in front of you is feeding her baby, can you see her breast? How about the woman in the row behind you? If you are across the isle from this woman (window seat) sitting by her husband can you see her breast? The only people who saw areola are the stewards and the occasional bathroom visitor who probaly didn't see much unless they stopped and stared.

Another commenter that is obviously a woman who has breastfed comments: "How in the world is a mother supposed to breastfeed a child in that cramped space in the first place? Its hard enough without a blanket but when you are draping a blanket across you, you can't see what in the world you are doing."

What do you think about this one: "If the flight had been long enough for a movie, it probably would have contained violence, hate, and gore--good old American values. But breastfeeding a baby (which is as natural as breathing): Oh, no! There is something seriously wrong with this picture."

Many people commented that this woman should not have been breastfeeding her 22 month old. And I think that really was the main issue. Most people agree that a woman has the right to breastfeed her baby in public, but many people think that babies should be weaned by 6 months to a year old. FYI: The World health organization recommends breastfeeding until 2 years or more.

So, as a breastfeeding mother I want to say if you are a man or woman who has never breastfed you have no idea what it is like.

Rachel's Breastfeeding 101: (I am not an expert!)
First, I don't know if it is easier for a woman with small perky breasts to feed a baby, but us larger breasted women (esp. if they are saggy) have a common problem. If/when the baby comes unlatched all of a sudden our nipple is in the baby's ear. If your baby is easily distracted this can cause problems. A baby (Carrera) may latch on, unlatch, look around, latch on, unlatch, look around, and continue this pattern. As a result a mother may need two hands to keep her breast from squirting in the baby's ear and getting it back to the baby's mouth. This baby movement also causes any blanket draping to fall off. Curse the draping technique that was obviously either created by a man, a small breasted woman, or someone with four arms. I have found that if I wrap a blanket around Carrera with the excess away from me I can pull it up by her ears and block viewers or gawkers. This way the only people inspecting the slight breast that is exposed and not already covered by my shirt are people peeking over my shoulder or next to me. Even someone across the table from me will not be able to see the breast, but Carrera can still look up at me and I can see her. Unfortunately this does not solve the distracted baby problem and the blanket is shifted when she wants to check out her surroundings. Really there is no way to cover up, only ways to be discreet.

Lastly, I may not want to see a fat man shoving a hot dog with mustard, ketchup, relish, etc. into his face. I may not want to hear or smell it either, but it is my responsibility to look away, walk away or tolerate it. I hope you understand the correlation because I am NOT explaining!

Note: I have no problem with people - men or women - watching me feed Carrera. Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing.

Granola

So, I'm starting to become kinda... Granola (Wikipedia: "Granola" ...a slang term describing a person who is hippie-like, a modern bohemian, environmentalist, or leftist in outlook). I've started reading Mothering magazine (Thanks Gin!), and tons of things that I have heard about in the past are hitting home. I am not a totally sold out naturalist by any means, but I am reconsidering some things that I have accepted simply because it is "how my mother did it." That is NOT to bash my mother! We all use what we know to raise our kids. I also have the wonderful influence of my sister Mary to thank. She calls raw cows milk the "nectar of the gods," and home-schools her daughters. Home-schooling is something that I have tossed around in my head for quite awhile. I will now clarify that I would not home-school for religious reasons, but for political and ethical reasons. I'm not sure that I like what public schools teach. I have more research to do in this area before I come to any definitive conclusions. I am also contemplating cutting dairy out of our diet for awhile, esp. for Calvin's sake. He has "pooping" problems and some behavioral tendencies that I have read can sometimes be linked to dairy. My homeopath also asks me EVERY time I see her if I have ever considered cutting dairy from Calvin's diet (that might be a hint). Really it will be a decision that Shane and I make together. Shane has a harder time accepting my crazy beliefs. He calls homeopathy voodoo (he is so cute). But he tolerates it because it has worked for me. Three years ago I was taking three anti-depressants and at least three allergy medications (I've been on a LOT of different ones). Now I take no antidepressants and rarely have to take anything for my allergies. From a practical standpoint homeopathy is a lot less expensive than my prescription co-pays were, and I fell better than any prescription ever made me feel!

Carrera is so much fun. She adores me right now. It is a little frustrating for Shane when she cries the whole time I am away from home, but it is really fun when she giggles and is so happy to see me. I get to spend so much more one-on-one time with her than I did with Colton and Calvin when they were babies. She is a little over four months old and is HUGE! We had to start feeding her rice cereal because she was not getting full on my milk alone. She is wearing 12 month clothes (and not swimming in them)!

Calvin and Colton have been really fun this week. After the stress of the holidays I have been calming down a little (not to mention I just got a new remedy from my homeopath). I am very excited for every new day and I am enjoying my daycare business a ton! It is causing me to want to have more kids, although we are officially done. I am so excited to be a mom of a little girl. I hope that I am there when she gets her first tattoo! AND her first motorcycle! Calvin wants a red motorcycle like daddy's. Colton wants to fly like the avatar. It is so much fun listening to them talk about who they want to be. I have two little super heros in the making.

Fresh

I love the fresh feeling of a new year. It is a wonderful new chance to change things that I want to change in my life. I want to be a better mother. Not that I am a bad mother, but I can get preoccupied with things that are really very trivial. I was reading Mothering magazine today and one author coined the phrase SLFWPs (silly little first-world problems), and used shrunken garments and missed appointments as examples (Freedom From FGM by Candace Walsh/Jan-Feb 2007 issue). I am so sick of getting stressed over whether or not my kitchen floor has been cleaned or if I have a pile of things to do in the corner of the office. I remember watching an actress on some late night show 7-10 years ago saying that she only buys/wears used clothing because there is such a surplus of clothing that is barely used and yet we go buy more. It may be anti-capitalist, but who the hell cares (Side note: Shane came to church with me when we were first dating and the pastor preached a sermon about Jesus being a capitalist. No wonder Christianity is so fu*ked up. We are using Jesus to promote our political views.) Anyway, I want to focus less on what I have and more on what I can give. I may not have any extra money, but I have time and I can invest in the lives of my children and the children that I care for. Now I am going to go and make cookies with Colton and Calvin while Carrera is asleep in her sling strapped to my chest. I love my life!

Emotions

I am such a bundle of crazy emotions. I feel so many things that I can't describe, and really don't want to explain because I don't want anyone else to read about how silly I am or how easily I can get hurt. I put up this facade that I am so resilient, and in some ways I am very resilient. I have learned over the last six years about how to be emotionally strong and assertive. My wonderful husband helped a lot with that. Homeopathy has been my life saver too! When I was 19 I went though a horrible time of depression, but I don't really remember it. I was on medication until I found homeopathy. It took one year of using homeopathy before I was completely off of prescription medication and I felt that I was balanced. I haven't felt balanced in the last couple of weeks. I should be getting a new remedy in the mail from my homeopath any day now, and I know that in a week or two I will be feeling balanced again but in the mean time I am nostalgic, and very sensitive (weepy). I feel like I NEED something. Not a drug or a new hair cut, but something real. I am sick of superficialness and wishing that I would have done things differently.