You're a Stalker!

I think that we are all really stalkers somewhere deep inside. I mean, who hasn't checked up on their friends' friends on MySpace. Who hasn't eavesdropped on a conversation? Who hasn't looked up someone's address just to see where they live (even if you would never actually drive by their house and see if they are home)?

Some sick test.

Another Saturday night. Shane has to close at B&N and I am home alone. Carrera fell asleep at 6:00 p.m. and is still sleeping. I hope this doesn't mean that she will wake up at 2:00 a.m. I am not doing anything that I planned on doing tonight. I had planned on catching up on some filing, finishing my taxes, planning my daycare meals for next week, and putting away a pile of shit in my office. It is amazing how fast stuff can pile up. I just shove things in piles during the week when I am too busy to deal with them. Most of it ends up here because, well... out of sight out of mind. It shouldn't take too long to get it all picked up. I can't wait until spring to clean out our garage. That is another out of sight place.

I got to go out for coffee this morning. My usual perch was taken so I sat in another location. It was good for me. I have a bad habit of always sitting in the same spot. Perhaps I needed a new perspective today. Where I was sitting I could easily overhear a group of three guys chatting together over coffee. They had their bibles out and were discussing a variety of topics. This is not an uncommon sight on a Saturday morning. I had a revelation of sorts. Only a group of Christian guys sitting over coffee with bibles in hand can talk about how atheism causes "lesbianism" and "beastiality" in a public place where any old Joe (or child) can hear their discussion. (Note that they didn't say it caused "homosexuality.") Would listening to a conversation like that cause you to want to be a Christian? Unfortunately I heard them also refer to their pastor as Pat, which is the name of the pastor at the church I recently quit attending. What is this religious preoccupation with sex all about? Is that all that religious texts say? (I've read the bible front to back and I am being facetious.) I really hope that there is more to life than sex and our sexual choices. And if there is a god (or gods) I should think that he/she/it would be a little less sex obsessed. Have you ever thought about why sex is so great? I mean, if god wanted us to have sex only to procreate then why would god make it so fun? Wouldn't god want us not to sin and make sex an act of obedience, like praying or fasting? The only logically explanation is that god made sex fun to tempt us. But the bible (I'm not sure what other religious texts say) tells us that god does not tempt us (James 1:13) only tests us. So is our sex drive some sick test? Just food for thought.

It has been snowing all day. I LOVE fresh snow! I also love Saturdays! And I definitely love to get things done, so see you later!

More February Pictures

Daddy and Rera reading in bed.
Rera. She will be 6 months on Sunday!!
Coffee!!

February Pictures

Rera Jade's Valentine's Outfit.

Calvin's Haircut. He cut the chunk out himself!!

Daddy and Rera.

Colton and Mommy.

Lights

The weekend was great. Shane and I power cleaned Saturday morning. Shane's mom watched the kids for a couple of hours in the afternoon and he and I went shopping together. Shane wants to put new light fixtures on the front of our house. The ones we have are cheap and falling apart. We checked out some fixtures at Home Depot and I made fun of Shane because he wants huge ones. The more I think about it the more I think that they might look kind of cool actually. We also stopped by Hennen Furniture and the chair-and-a-half that matches our new couch is on clearance. We are trying to decide if we should get it with some of our tax return. Our current chair has gone downhill with the boys jumping on it and eating on it. Also, one of my daycare kids peed all over it and I am afraid that it will start to smell again when it gets humid this summer. There are so many things we want to do in the house, but everything costs money. I want to extend the wood floor down the hallway this summer. Millie likes to pee in the hall and I think that may begin to smell too.

Sunday we went out to Foley to spend time with Shane's mom. She taught me how to make fudge and we made five pounds, yummy! Shane brought Colton and Calvin over to his sister's farm to see the animals. They helped her feed the goats and hens. I missed out because I fell asleep on the couch. This summer the boys want to spend lots of time on the farm. I hope that we can get out there as much as we did last summer. It is harder to get away now that I am doing daycare and not free to up and go places during the week.

Last night I finished doing our taxes. Then Shane and I hung out and we read. I am almost done with The God Delusion, and Shane is reading Barack Obama's book. He is really enjoying it. We decided to read it together, but I haven't even been able to start it. That book is next on my list to read though.

Back to work..

Valentine's Day

So, I am a little nosy and I like to read all of my friends' friends blogs. I wish I could comment on all of their blogs, but I think some people find it a little creepy to get a comment from someone they don't know. I don't find it creepy at all so you can comment away!

These thirteen hour days are starting to wear on me a little. I am really tired today and it is only Wednesday. I should say it is ALREADY Wednesday. I am really enjoying doing daycare though. Carrera got a really cute Valentine's Day outfit from Grandma Walters. I'll post pictures later. Shane has to work until 10 p.m. tonight, so Maggie is celebrating Valentine's Day with me. If I can find a last minute babysitter we might go out for a little while. Shane and I went out for dinner last night. He got me two new CDs. I got the new Norah Jones CD and Patty Griffin CD. I have only been able to listen to the Norah Jones one. I hope that Carrera and I can take a bath tonight and listen to them.

Monday

I think that the weekend went a little too fast for me. Shane had to work all weekend so I did a lot of house work and taking care of kids. I am excited for next weekend because he has off. This week I added two more kids to my daycare. They are two school kids that I have to make sure get on the bus in the morning and get off the bus in the afternoon. My part-time kid also switched to full-time so now I have three full time kids and two school-agers. I hope that I can handle all of it.

I started doing preschool activities with the kids. Colton and Calvin know a lot more than the other kids so I feel like a lot of it is a review for them, but I am trying to plan activities that I can adjust for the different ages. This week our themes are the letter B, the color Blue and the BODY. Last week I focused on the letter A and the color RED. I was worried about coming up with ideas for activities, but I have too many ideas!

Not much else is new. I haven't had much time to read or journal. I did journal the other night about prejudice. And then Shane brought that topic up last night. I wrote down some prejudices that I have and was trying to think of exceptions to those prejudice statements. Unfortunately I found them all to be true at least 95 % of the time if not more. So is that still a prejudice or is it an observation?

Friends

Well, the catching up didn't last too long. We all had colds this past week and Colton and Calvin have ear infections (which reminds me that I forgot to give them their medicine before they went to bed). Carrera had a fever and a nasty runny nose and cough, but she is doing better.

I didn't have any daycare kids today so I went out for coffee at 9:00 a.m. I spent most of the time out planning daycare activities. I want to start doing some planned preschool activities with the kids. Colton had his preschool screening this week and Shane came home with loads of information about what Colton knows, doesn't know, and should know before kindergarten. Things like preschool screening make me think again about home-schooling. I really need to make time to research public-schooling and home-schooling. Calvin was very jealous that Colton got to go with daddy "preschooling," but Calvin's turn comes next week.

My mind has been on overload with my thoughts. Thoughts about friendship and religion mostly. I finally have decided to just take a little break from trying to figure everything out. Sometimes I need to accept that I am not going to just figure everything out right now. And actually I may never be able to figure the things out that I want to figure out.

I have been thinking a ton about friendship mostly because marriage and kids change how we spend our time. I used to spend all my free time with friends and now I don't have that free time. I spend a lot of time e-mailing "When can we get together?" I also tend to refer to people that I hung out with five to ten years ago as friends. If I haven't talked to someone in five years are they still my friend? It is hard for me to accept that the past is over and some of those friends are not my friends anymore. Its really very silly and I can't believe that I am letting it consume my thoughts the way that I do. I need to accept that I have limited time, and therefore have to have a limited number of friends. And perhaps it is okay if I use e-mail and MySpace to connect with people, even if I never get to get together with them outside of the computer. This all leads back to my question about roles (see previous post). What are my roles? Can I be a parent and have a social life? Is it okay for me to want to have a social life? Sigh.

It's almost midnight. This nocturnal babe has become a morning person. I am falling asleep on my knee typing. My brain still wants to be up at night, but my body is trained to be in bed by 10:00 p.m. Goodnight.