Figuring it out.

I am lounging on my deck with a cold beer, a misplaced pink headband, peed on shorts, and a pile of swimsuits and towels. I should probably be picking up the day's worth of daycare chaos that remains inside my house, but I so rarely sit.

I graduated in May with my Bachelors in Community Psychology.
No more school (for awhile) and for awhile I felt a little lost. What do normal people do in the evenings? What am I supposed to do with all this extra time?

That didn't last long. Now I wonder: What extra time? Ok, really, I have very little of that extra time that I was looking forward to. Sitting down is a luxury that I have not been afforded.

With eight daycare kids plus three of my own and a second job to boot I just don't have extra to give out to things like... beer on the deck. I wonder sometimes if I am wasting my life away being busy.

David and I celebrated two years together yesterday. In our typical fashion we celebrated by going to the gym together. We are so boring from the outside. From the inside, we have a blast together. His steady simple self is the perfect complement to my chaotic spastic self. I may appear organized and put-together, but he knows me better than that. Life is so wonderful with him.

The kids are with their dad for the week. I miss them terribly. They may never know (I hope they never know) how painful it is to not have them with me every day.

Two years. It was two years in January since Shane walked out our front door, choosing something other than "us." Although, looking back, there wasn't often an "us." I found myself again and I found David and here I am... happy. Just feeling a little guilty for not getting some shit done while my kids are away.

With that said. I'll sign off.