100%

One of my daycare moms and I agreed yesterday that we could both be professional students. I LOVE school. I love tests and papers and learning new things. Then after our agreement she said "But I have to do everything 100%." My tendency to read into things made me immediately think "Does she think that I don't do everything 100%?" Later thoughts were more rational. Maybe she couldn't go to school, work and be a mom and do it all 100%, but that doesn't mean that I can't be a daycare mom, real mom, and student and do it all 100%. So I thought hard about what I am slacking in. I guess I give 100% as a daycare mom, 95% as a real mom 90% as a student, and 90% as a wife. Why are my priorities as such? Well, maybe because my standards are ungodly high. I wish that I could go volunteer in the kids' classrooms. I wish I could be a stay-at-home-mom of my three kids. I wish that on Shane's days off I could focus on him and what he needs. I really can't be or do those things, so I have to give them less than a 100% rating. But, under the circumstances, really I am giving all that I can to everything. Perhaps that is why I have moments where I feel burnt out and over stretched. Yet I have moments of great excitement and pride. I LOVE that I can do all that I do. I love that I get to be a daycare mama and I personally think I do a pretty damn good job at it. I love that I can be home for and with my own kids. They KNOW that I love them. And even if Shane wishes we could be lovers more than partners, we don't fight (much), and we are in-love. And being a student has become my outlet. I am all that I am, and I am 100%.

Today's Horoscope.

Taurus (By Rick Levine):

Although you might like the idea of accomplishing a lot today, you probably won't work hard enough to feel as if you're productive. You have a variety of excuses at your disposal now to justify your laziness, but the truth is you don't need to prove anything to anyone else. You deserve some downtime and you might as well take it when you can.

Damn straight!! I've been working my ass off!

Need an outlet.

Thoughts as a daycare mama (or 'teacher' as lil' V likes to call me):

• Animal crackers are cookies, so that is what we call them.
• The more kids, the more structure needed.
• It is possible to love eight kids in addition to one's own (love as an action & emotion) .
• No toys are needed if you have music and princess costumes to entertain.
• Children are like adults, they love to hear their own name. Repeat often.
• Everything is more fun when you add the word 'magical' to it. Take, for instance, 'magical toilet paper' or 'magical milk' or 'magical blankets.'
• Tears are best dealt with immediately with hugs, kisses and soft words.

Snack time is over... STORY TIME!!

Naughty F Word.

Saturday night, on the way back from a hayride and potluck with friends, we played the letter game. This is a game that we started to help Colton and Calvin with their English letter sounds. Being that they are only learning in Chinese, their English sound scores were low last year. In the letter game we pick a letter/sound and think of all the words we can that start with that letter/sound. And, for example, if we use the K sound we also talk about how some words start with C and make the same sound. Even Carrera joins in on the game. This time we were using the "F" sound.

I am a very competitive person and I guess I must have been more competitive than is acceptable for Shane because he said "Why do you always have to be so fucking competitive." I'm sure I needed to hear it, but in my attempt to not bawl I shut up. A few minutes later Colton yells from the back of the van "Fucking!!...Mom! Fucking starts with F!" and then Calvin pipes up "Yeah! Fucking!" and lastly Carrera chips in. So all three of my kids are behind me saying "Fucking."

I'm not sure if Shane and I have ever really talked about our view on traditionally naughty words, but our philosophy I believe is the same. Neither of us believe that there are "bad words" just appropriate and inappropriate times to use them. And this is what we have taught our kids. I'll also add that some words are almost never appropriate for a child to use. Never, unless I guess they are learning their letters, and we are driving back from a long day and mom is trying not to cry. After at least a minute of my kids chorusing "fucking" my urge to cry ended and I laughed a hearty laugh, feeling no need to tell my kids that they are using a "bad" word.

Friends & Stuff.

My best friend from college had a baby yesterday; found out my ex-best friend is pregnant. Some emotions aren't meant to be put into words.

I spent Friday evening shopping with Carrera. I am redecorating the downstairs bathroom. Honestly, I think I needed a project to distract me from my emotions. The bathroom looks amazing! I just need to paint it. I pulled about twenty colors at Menards and none of them are quite the right color, so I need to go back and try again. I also need to sew a curtain. The fabric I found is PERFECT! I am learning how to decorate. I am no longer just throwing things together, but have a plan.

I have a "new" friend that I made about six months ago. I am going to be watching her daughter two days a week and I am thrilled! Her daughter is a few weeks younger than Carrera and they really are becoming best friends. They may go to pre-school together next year.

Sometimes I feel that friendships at my age are hard to develop. Women in their thirties just don't want to open up and grow and learn from each other like women in their twenties. I'm probably becoming a little more that way too.

I hate to say that I'm lonely, but I guess I am a little.

New Glasses.

I got a new eye prescription a few weeks ago and got some great new glasses. Not only can I see, but they are comfortable and I feel like I really chose them myself for ME, cause I love them.

Colors.

Colton, Calvin, Carrera and I went to Menards to pick out paint colors for the boys' rooms last night. I also picked a new color for the down stairs bathroom. The plan: decorate the downstairs the way we REALLY want it. I have a list a mile long of stuff I want to get done in addition to painting. I need to build two loft beds (and stain them), sew a new curtain for the bathroom downstairs and find something to hang on the wall in there (something soothing), fix the couch in the family room, buy or sew a valance for the family room, buy new end tables, and pick up a light fixture for Colton's new room. Wow, that may be it. That isn't too bad. I have no deadlines really. Shane has been working on painting the family room this evening.
(I'm sure you wanted to read all about this - ha!)
Sunday we are going to a comic book show and IKEA. It will be nice to get out of town with the kids.

Crazy Project Woman.

Well, as much as I try to not have new projects, I always seem to get in over my head. Not only am I taking 7 credits, watching six (soon to be 7) kids plus mine, but we are getting a new roof in a few weeks and remodeling our basement. Ahhhhh!

Soon Colton and Calvin will have their own bedrooms. I also am going to build them loft beds so their tiny rooms will not seem so tiny. We're separating out our toy room. Essentially our upstairs living room has become a toy room during the day (and Carrera's room too). I am going to rotate toys more and keep a few in the garage. The rest of the toys are going to be split between the kids bed rooms. I am bringing a load to Goodwill this week as well.

I make Shane crazy with all my projects. I think he is excited that the boys will have their own rooms, and we REALLY need new shingles because we have storm damage and missing shingles. But he gets stressed even if I am the one doing the work. Although, I can't ever take all the credit. Shane moved some huge bookshelves downstairs and painted a wall this past weekend when I was sick. In the next few weeks we will get to repaint the whole downstairs. Honestly I love it! I thrive on busy-ness and projects.

So between tests, kids, being sick, getting my hair colored, and moving around toys and furniture, I barely have time to check my e-mail.