My Stupidity

Colton and Calvin were in the bathtub tonight when all of a sudden I heard the shower start running and screams. It was one of the few times that although my kids were bawling I couldn't stop laughing. I fixed the problem: turned off the shower and wiped up the floor. I think it ruined bathtime because they wanted to get out soon after that.

While they were in the bath I went potty. Calvin said "Mommy you can't pee because you don't have a penis." I said "Yup I don't have a penis because I am a girl." Then Colton piped up and commented "You a Mommy, you not a girl!" And he laughed at my stupidity.

Lonely

It gets a little lonely not working and spending all my time at home with the kids. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my boys and Carrera. We have lots of fun! Yesterday was a beautiful day, and we spent some time outside in the backyard playing. Then we headed out to visit Grandma Caryl (Shane's mother). When we got back it was almost 8 p.m., but felt like 9 p.m. (daylight savings). I love carrying the boys into the house when they are half asleep. It reminds me of my dad carrying me into the house when I was their age. I've been filling my extra time with trying to get my house organized. I am painting flowers on Carrera's bedroom walls and I am going to start painting the toy room tonight. Sometimes I feel like when I talk with people all we talk about is home decorating or our kids. It feels superficial. I want to talk about politics, religion, travel,... I think that is why I am lonely. By the time Shane gets home from work I just want to have him talk to me about everything that isn't kids and house stuff, but he is usually so tired too. Well, Calvin keeps asking for fruit snacks and Colton wants me to find his "Trooper Luke" (I through it into a laundry basket last night when I was picking up), and I should feed Carrera, so my duties call. Thanks for reading my blogs Shane! I know that you are probably the only one who checks them :). You're a blessing to have as a husband!

Fourth Gray Hair

This is to commemorate my FOURTH gray hair. It is right in front and the thickest one yet. I got my first one when the boys were about six months old, my second one when I was pregnant with Carrera and my third one right after she was born. They are starting to come a little faster now.

Happy Breast Milk

This morning I overheard Shane telling Carrera "Mommy must have happy breast milk!" He is right, Carrera is a REALLY happy baby, and she loves her daddy. She beams when he comes home from work.

Carving Pumpkins

Carving Pumpkins!

Railroad or Rainbow

Daycare home inspection... Check! It is finally over. All my hard work getting ready for doing daycare has paid off. I am licensed starting on Monday. Whew, what a relief! Now I just need to get some children in my daycare. I am thinking about naming it Rachel's Rainbow Daycare. Any thoughts? Rachel's Railroad was my first choice, but I think that Rainbow might appeal more to kids and parents. Although I LOVE trains and we do have a Thomas table and train set, and I would LOVE to wear a conductor's hat... hmmmm... maybe I should reconsider the Railroad idea.

C.J.

Carrera Jade

Look at those blue eyes!

Puurrrrrson!

Calvin keeps telling Carrera that she is a person: "You a purrson, Carrera! Yes you are! You a puurrrrrson!" Imagine a high pitched baby voice. He TOTALLY talks baby to her!

Daycare Inspection

So, I have my daycare home inspection tomorrow and I am SO nervous! I know that I am qualified. But I need to make sure that I have everything in place. All of my paperwork is finally done. And my house is child-proofed. It is still a little nerve racking having someone come into your home and evaluate it and you. I hope everything goes smoothly!

Calvin's Conversation

Calvin is such a joy to have as a child! After their bath today Calvin sat and talked with Carrera. He was telling her how he is bigger than her, but that someday she will be bigger. And he was telling her that when she gets bigger she will get to talk! Calvin loves to have conversations and he is VERY excited for the day that Carrera can sit and talk with him over "coffee." He is always telling Carrera how he loves her and how pretty she is. Today he kept commenting on her "(s)parkly" shirt. He wants to be bigger so that he can bring her grocery shopping with him. In a couple of years Calvin will be our chef. Shane and I both hate to cook, but Calvin always wants to bake and cook. He spouts about cooking all sorts of things and then says "Wanna do that momma?" pause "right now!?"
Picture: Calvin having "coffee" (hot chocolate) with mom.

This is your life

Another night. Another crying Carrera. Well, I suppose she is the same Carrera, but it is another night of her crying herself to sleep. She hates her crib! I am not sure what I can really do about it. I think part of the problem may be that she likes the sound of the space heater and it goes on and off all night. When it is on she is quiet and then when it stops she crys.
I don't have much time to blog. I told Shane that I would try not to stay up too late.
I didn't make my 6 a.m. wake up call this mornig, but I was up by 8 a.m. which is much better than the usual 9 or 10 or 11 a.m. I had to take a nap this afternoon, and that means that I am not super tired tonight. I WILL be in bed by midnight, even if I am not sleeping. I have to get up early tomorrow morning because I am meeting my best friend for coffee (yeah!).
We had a good day. The kids and I went to visit my sister Mary and her two daughters. It was a nice drive and a nice visit. I love my sisters!
Calvin has been pooping VERY well, which is a really great thing (if you didn't already know, he has had some problems). I am hoping that this is going to get us over the hump and back on a good track with him. He is happier when he is pooping and is also much better behaved.
I am finally DONE at Target. I stopped in tonight to check my box one last time and to make sure that I am not on the schedule. Now I am FREE! (Although I need to start making money doing daycare SOON or we are going to be in trouble).
Sorry for all the boring details of my life. Seriously, my life really IS like this!

Ponder this:
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes,
This is your life
And today is all you've got now
And today is all you've ever had
Don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything that you dreamed
that it would be when the world was younger,
and you had everything to lose?
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
(Switchfoot)

Laughter

I used to laugh all the time. It got me into trouble! Boys would think I was flirting with them and girls would think that I was flirting with their boyfriends! I wonder why we laugh less the older we get. Sometimes I get a good laugh when my kids do something silly, but I am much more serious now that I am in my mid-twenties. It might be that I have more responsibilities and worry more. When I didn't have kids I didn't worry as much about how I would pay my bills (I could just get another job) or about the health and mental/emotional wellbeing of my kids, self and spouse. I think that I am less witty than I was in the past too. Maybe I just need to relax, and let myself have a really good laugh.

Crazy friend Jon

Check out my crazy friend Jon hang gliding!

Waiting For Signs

I used to wait for a sign, she said,
before I did anything. Then one
night I had a dream & an angel in
black tights came to me & said,
You can start any time now & then
I asked is this a sign? & the angel
started laughing & I woke up.

Now I think the whole world is
filled with signs, but if there's
no laughter, I know they're not
for me.
(Waiting For Signs)
Story People
by Brian Andreas

Dark Garden

I once had a garden
filled with flowers
that grew only on dark
thoughts
but they need constant
attention
& one day I decided
I had better things
to do.
(Dark Garden)
Story People
by Brian Andreas

Nothing Really

Of course, as always, by the time I get Carrera fed and in bed it is time for me to go to bed. I look forward to the day that I can put all three of my kids to bed at 8 p.m. and have a little time for myself again. Of course I always use my time to get caught up around the house. It really never ends! I am snacking on Club Crackers Honey Wheat SnackSticks. They are pretty good. I got to get out tonight (with Carrera) and get coffee. This is my absolute FAVORITE thing to do! (Carrera is still crying in her crib - I just can't win). My plan is to start a new schedule tomorrow. I am going to get up at 6 a.m.! I should be licensed to do daycare by next week, so I need to start getting up earlier and preparing myself for the day. Besides, I think that I will have better days if I get up BEFORE my kids and have some me time in the morning. When I was in college I would get up early and read/journal, and get out in the fresh air. It really was wonderful. Even when I didn't have class I would get up and walk my roommate to class, just so I would wake up and get my body/mind working early. (Carrera is still crying). I also did a lot of memorizing in the morning. In bible school I would get up at 5 a.m. (or earlier) and pray for two hours before breakfast. I am not sure if I could handle that now that I have kids! (Carrera stopped crying). (I always get a little nervous when she stops crying because I worry that she is not okay - it must be a mother thing). (She started crying again). Carrera had her first shots yesterday and I think that she isn't feeling very well. Usually she goes to bed around 11 p.m. and sleeps until about 6 a.m. Last night I got up with her three times! Back to coffee... (my poor dog. We got a new couch and it is higher than our old one. I keep hearing her upstairs trying to get up on the couch and falling). So, my journal is full of comments, quotes and reflections. Ponder this: "If you compete with no one, no one can compete with you." (Tao Te Ching)

Booties

I bought Carrera these booties at Target. Aren't they SO cute! She is my little (BIG) Princess.

My mom brought over a picture yesterday of me when I was one month old. Carrera and I look so much alike. This makes Shane VERY happy. When I was pregnant he would say "It better be a girl, and she better look just like you!" I have the sweetest husband in the world!

Late Night

For some reason I can't seem to go to bed early. No matter what time I get up, I always lie awake in bed for hours at night. I am so tired, but I can't sleep.

Priorities

I just sneaked a peek at Coltie and Calvie. Calvin crawled into bed on the top bunk with Colton, and they are both fast asleep. It is so cute! I would take a picture except that I think it would wake them up.

Tonight was the first night that I left Carrera for more than an hour. Shane and I went out to a movie (Marie Antoinette), and then for coffee. We were gone for FOUR hours!! Our babysitter gave Carrera a bottle (formula), and of course she had a little tummy ache tonight. This is why I am still up. I was supposed to work tonight, but I called in. I really don't feel comfortable leaving Carrera for eight hours (esp. with a tummy ache!). I am sure that they are cursing me right now.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about priorities. I too often think about how other people are viewing me, and not enough about my own children and husband, and what is best for us. It was the right thing to do to stay home tonight, yet I feel disappointed that I had to "let down" the people that I work with. It is slightly ironic because most of the people I work with have never really appreciated me anyway, and they probably will not even think about me after I am done. I put my two week notice in last week. It was hard to do. Financially I don't know how we will make it, but I could no longer watch my kids suffer because of me working.

Pee

Carrera peed all over me yesterday. The thing about girls (as opposed to boys) is I really didn't see it coming. I didn't see anything. All of a sudden there was pee everywhere; on my arm, on the changing table, all over her clothes, and even on the floor.